"Fall (to) /v./ AKA free-solo rappel. A
dynamic retreat from a climb.
Note: it is never the fall that kills
it's the sudden stop at the end."
You Might Be A Mountain Climber If...
You own a $75 dress suit and a $1000 Gore-Tex suit.
You have ever frozen your lips to an ice screw while blowing an ice plug at your partner.
You have ever used an ice axe to chop weeds in the garden.
A Mexican bus driver has ever had to open his window because of the way you smelled.
You have more summit pictures than wedding pictures.
You've ever had icicles hanging from any part of your face.
You can pronounce Popocatepetl correctly more than once in a row.
You've ever fallen so far that you've run out of adrenaline before you ran out of rope.
You say "Namaste" instead of "Hello".
You like the smell of burning yak dung.
Your suncream is always in a solid state when you need it the most.
What you call cold is not on the thermometer scale.
When you hear the words 'nose', 'captain' or 'aid', your hands start hurting and swelling.
'Cos 90°' means it was too steep to go and has nothing to do with 1.
You arrive at a climbing gym with stoppers and friends still in your bag.
You see a girl in the street and you think: "Hmmm, she's a TD+/5.11...".
Your definition of a candlelight dinner is: "Thaw the ice with the candle and put it in the bag of freeze-dry".
You hear the name "Hillary" and think of Everest instead of Mrs. Clinton and White House scandals.
And finally, you understood all the previous lines. If you even laughed, you should get back to work...
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When you climb, you only have to get yourself to the peak.
If you climb with someone other
than your regular partner, no one gets mad, in fact, you can all three climb together and share protection !
You can reuse your protection, and someone else even cleans it for you, provided you don't put it in too deep.
You can leave your protection in for the next guy.
There IS such a thing as being too overhung.
You can get belayed without first bekissing.
A good hand jam can be as satisfying as any other kind of jam.
No matter how many times you fall off, you can always climb back on.
Having a belay slave is not a criminal offense.
The rocks never expect you to call afterward.
Dry friction is a positive quality when you're climbing.
The rocks don't care if you show up late.
The rocks don't complain after 7 or 8 pitches.
When you're climbing, a good two-finger jam will support your body weight
Your belayer never hesitates when you yell "TAKE!"
When you're climbing, weird body positions are considered "cool".
The rocks don't scream for help when you try for the on-sight flash.
The rocks don't complain when you don't want to do cracks anymore and want to do some face.
A three-finger pocket isn't too big.
You don't have to wait an hour after getting pumped-out.
If you pop off early, the only one mad at you is yourself.
If you end up with little bumps on your skin, you can probably blame Poison Ivy or mosquitoes.
The gear is safer. And reusable.
Chalk is easier to get off the hands.
No one thinks you're weird if you have to feel around for a hole/hold.
Climbing w/o gear is safer than sex without gear. At least if you die, you die fast.
Always something to do with your feet.
Routes have safety grades, sex partners don't. I've never had a partner with a G on her forehead.
Its ok to stick your hands, feet, fingers, knees, nose, etc into any and all cracks while climbing.
You don't have to wash your climbing toys after using them.
The positions are more fun.
Climbing gets safer over the years, sex gets more dangerous.
If you fail, you can always get a second chance.
Choice of novice or expert routes.
A climb can last all day.
Guidebooks tell you who did the 1st ascent and how many time it's been done.
Lots of tight cracks.
The only rubber you wear is on your feet.
There are still rocks that haven't been touched.
I actually have someone to climb with.
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The rock is always hard.
Rocks are never busy watching football when you'd rather climb.
Rocks don't complain about the kind of protection you want to use.
You can go climbing with another woman and nobody will call you names or hassle you.
You can use ropes and harnesses and nobody will think you're kinky.
You can go climbing any time of the month.
It's over when *you* reach the peak.
You won't die of embarrassment if your mother finds your rock gear.
If it's in too deep, you can yank on a nut.
Nobody ever got pregnant rock climbing !
If you need something REAL big, you can always put in a Big Bro' !
Your partner won't get mad at you if you bleed while climbing.
You can pick the length and diameter or your rope
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Walls will fuck you in every imaginable way.
There are easy walls everywhere.
It's pretty easy to find Walls that really suck.
After you do a new wall, it acceptable to tell your parents.
When you're on top of a wall, it's OK to take a dump.
You can do walls even if your not hard.
You can do walls less than 16 year old and not go jail.
You can share a wall with your friends.
You can do more than one wall in a day and not feel guilty.
Most walls can be done without raincoats.
If things get tough, you can always just nail a wall.
You can do a wall in public.
If you're persistent, easy walls always will go down.
Doing 3 wall in a day is something to brag about.
Your wall will always wait patiently for you.
You don't have to get cleaned up to do a wall.
A wall doesn't care when you come.
You can enjoy walls all month long.
Walls don't get jealous when you do another wall.
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